The Stepford Boyfriends

They were all the same, tall, dark, and handsome. There was something that drew me into their almost Disney like good looks and charm, and it was hard to not believe that maybe this finally was “the one”. Is that really possible? Can you know someone for only a moment and suddenly know that they are the one? Is love at first sight real, or is it merely lust at first sight? As much as I wanted to believe it, I now look back and realize that I was too naive to consider anything other then love at first sight, or maybe it was ignorance. One of them (not so tall and dark, but still charming), caught my attention immediately, and made me realize for the first time that there could be depth to a relationship. Who knew?
A week after claiming that our relationship was the real deal, and we were “gonna make it”, although I had no idea what that really meant, he assured me that he would never let me go…I had no idea what I was in for. The late night phone calls, visits, and detailed and elaborate stories from the past that would make a sensible person run for the hills, became so constant, I began to think that every relationship had to be like that.
He was manipulative, and he was good at making me do everything that he wanted. I didn’t believe in mind control and abuse, but now I do, oh boy I do! He got into my mind, and KNEW my next move before I did. He took pleasure in seeing me cower and fear him. He embellished the thought of me feeling completely lost and unable to make a decision without him or his approval. I knew it was wrong, and I knew that I was stuck, but how did I get out? I sometimes even wondered what thoughts were mine, and if what I was thinking was right, or if it was wrong because he thought it was wrong, or if I thought it was wrong. Understand?To make a long story short…er, I did it. He’s gone, but it’s not to say that the process wasn’t painful, and still haunts me to this day. With the passing of that dead, and decomposing relationship, I realize how much I learned, but still did not carry over the newly found morals and experiences to relationships that preceded the last dreadful one. I still let boys (and let me emphasize BOYS not men…not even guys), use me, abuse me, and take every inch of dignity that I had left in me, as if there was much left anyways.
That was three years ago, and I can finally say that even though I’m still not the brightest crayon in the box, I take the experience that I now have, and I use it. What a novel idea!! I know I still have so much to learn, but take that small experience to back me up and I won’t ever take for granted or regret the choices I’ve made. Those choices have made me the person that I am today, and I wouldn’t have the people in my life that I have in today if I had chosen differently. I don’t think that mistakes are terrible. We learn from mistakes, and without them, we would never know the difference between what is acceptable and what is not. Whenever I am discouraged at a mistake or something stupid that I do or missed, I’ve decided to tell myself “That was an awesome mistake!”…enough said.