Right, left, right, uppercut!!

Dear Facebook-

Blarg....you and your nosey inhabitants annoy me.

Sincerely yours
~Lauren


I don't need another social networking site to let burned bridges and old "friends" keep tabs on me at all times. There have been so many friend requests from bad relationships in the past come up on my profile that I can't believe it! I sent out a huge message to everyone (sorry if you were one of the people that got it too) that has tried, in some way, to communicate with me over facebook. It really isn't me. Honestly, I prefer face to face or an endearing note (oh! Name the movie, name the movie!). My days with a facebook profile with my name on it may be numbered...

Goodness, I wish I had a brain...and tact. To further elaborate- I decided to work on my physical appearance and get some whitestrips for my teeth. How bad can it be? Those people in the commercials look like they are having so much fun! Just as much fun as the guys jumping in the swimming pool that looks like a basketball court after drinking Sprite! I thought that I could handle that endeavour and went to my dentist and got some whitestrips that he recommended. So, we've all seen the commercials...the girl puts them in, jumps in bed, falls asleep (smiling, of course) and wakes up with a beautiful, healthy, white smile. I went through the exact routine, with the exception of doing the Toyota jump right before getting into bed (why not?). However, it was not a pleasant night....

I awoke the next morning it complete pain!! No man on the face of this earth has felt this kind of pain before. This wasn't the kind of pain as if someone had punched me in the face, although, now I wish it was that kind of pain. No...this is the pain that aches, that no amount of ibuprofen can fix. Every time I open my mouth, mere air hurts! Eating and drinking bring severe pain, even speaking is unbearable. What have I done?!?!?!
Oh My Goodness, I'm blind with pain!!! I stumble into my bathroom to look at the instructions on the box. I'm reading...."Congratulations on your next step to a beautiful smile"...yadda yadda yadda...."10 strips are enclosed in this box"....yadda yadda yadda...."thrity minutes once a day"....oops. That caught my attention. These strips are supposedly the "most intense and most effective" that you can get and I just butched it. On top of that, I decided to read the "danger" portion, and in reading, I discover that if you swallow too much of the gel on the strips it could be potentially dangerous to your health. I am blind with pain and in complete panic now! Potentially dangerous?? I don't know what they really mean by that...potentially dangerous as in, "oh, your tummy might hurt a little bit, but you'll be okay" or "Oh no!!! Get to the hospital, get your stomach pumped and pray that you are a lucky one!" Panic isn't even a good word for what I was feeling. That was one of those moments that I just checked out of life and thought that death was knockin' on my door . I was asleep for 8 hours with those whitestrips in my mouth! 30 minutes once a day?!?!?! My teeth are a shade of white that I didn't know existed, like a fluorescent white, and I might die due to poisoned gel. What would Chuck Norris do?

I call the dentist and after a painful explanation ( did I mention that talking hurts like the dickens?!) he calmly tells me to drink lots of water, lay down, and if I feel intense pains to call the hospital. I'm trying to remain calm myself, but he reassures me that all will be well and to call him the next day. I think in the next 5 minutes I drank at least 3 gallons of water. It hurt, I think that was the closest experience to death that I have faced, but its over...whew.
I'm not dead yet! I learned my lesson...those people in the commercials cant be as happy as they look...oh yeah, and always read the instructions. Tee he he...at least I still have my teeth :)