Right, left, right, uppercut!!

Dear Facebook-

Blarg....you and your nosey inhabitants annoy me.

Sincerely yours
~Lauren


I don't need another social networking site to let burned bridges and old "friends" keep tabs on me at all times. There have been so many friend requests from bad relationships in the past come up on my profile that I can't believe it! I sent out a huge message to everyone (sorry if you were one of the people that got it too) that has tried, in some way, to communicate with me over facebook. It really isn't me. Honestly, I prefer face to face or an endearing note (oh! Name the movie, name the movie!). My days with a facebook profile with my name on it may be numbered...

Goodness, I wish I had a brain...and tact. To further elaborate- I decided to work on my physical appearance and get some whitestrips for my teeth. How bad can it be? Those people in the commercials look like they are having so much fun! Just as much fun as the guys jumping in the swimming pool that looks like a basketball court after drinking Sprite! I thought that I could handle that endeavour and went to my dentist and got some whitestrips that he recommended. So, we've all seen the commercials...the girl puts them in, jumps in bed, falls asleep (smiling, of course) and wakes up with a beautiful, healthy, white smile. I went through the exact routine, with the exception of doing the Toyota jump right before getting into bed (why not?). However, it was not a pleasant night....

I awoke the next morning it complete pain!! No man on the face of this earth has felt this kind of pain before. This wasn't the kind of pain as if someone had punched me in the face, although, now I wish it was that kind of pain. No...this is the pain that aches, that no amount of ibuprofen can fix. Every time I open my mouth, mere air hurts! Eating and drinking bring severe pain, even speaking is unbearable. What have I done?!?!?!
Oh My Goodness, I'm blind with pain!!! I stumble into my bathroom to look at the instructions on the box. I'm reading...."Congratulations on your next step to a beautiful smile"...yadda yadda yadda...."10 strips are enclosed in this box"....yadda yadda yadda...."thrity minutes once a day"....oops. That caught my attention. These strips are supposedly the "most intense and most effective" that you can get and I just butched it. On top of that, I decided to read the "danger" portion, and in reading, I discover that if you swallow too much of the gel on the strips it could be potentially dangerous to your health. I am blind with pain and in complete panic now! Potentially dangerous?? I don't know what they really mean by that...potentially dangerous as in, "oh, your tummy might hurt a little bit, but you'll be okay" or "Oh no!!! Get to the hospital, get your stomach pumped and pray that you are a lucky one!" Panic isn't even a good word for what I was feeling. That was one of those moments that I just checked out of life and thought that death was knockin' on my door . I was asleep for 8 hours with those whitestrips in my mouth! 30 minutes once a day?!?!?! My teeth are a shade of white that I didn't know existed, like a fluorescent white, and I might die due to poisoned gel. What would Chuck Norris do?

I call the dentist and after a painful explanation ( did I mention that talking hurts like the dickens?!) he calmly tells me to drink lots of water, lay down, and if I feel intense pains to call the hospital. I'm trying to remain calm myself, but he reassures me that all will be well and to call him the next day. I think in the next 5 minutes I drank at least 3 gallons of water. It hurt, I think that was the closest experience to death that I have faced, but its over...whew.
I'm not dead yet! I learned my lesson...those people in the commercials cant be as happy as they look...oh yeah, and always read the instructions. Tee he he...at least I still have my teeth :)

Its Either Sadness or Euphoria

I don't know what to say...I guess I should start out with a big sorry. Sorry to Alex, Ben, Ben, Tysen and Brad. You know why.

Whats changed since my last blog? Um, nothing. Oh, I did get a job promotion at Old Navy, and realizing that I can be successful If I really want to. Our district manager is preparing me for TAPS (or in other words, the head honchos of Old Navy sit in a panel and grill me on everything about the store), so within a month, I could be moving to another store...in another state and all that fun stuff. I cant leave just quite yet though, I still have a few commitments here, so in May, well...we'll see what happens.

Sometimes I feel so sad. Its an inconsolable darkness. I am the worst person in the world at defining the emotion of sadness! Last night I took a long look at what I have thought has made me so sad, and realize that its a choice, but I've made choices to only encourage and ensure that there would be sadness in my life. I decided at about midnight last night to make my New Years Resolution list to ease my sadness and guilt. In the spirit of the season, or at least, the season that I feel should be kept all through out the year, here are a few of my resolutions-
* Forgive and Forget
* eat 50bazillion calories every day (...maybe not THAT much)
* get up the courage to tell people what's really on my mind
* be less cynical and bitter
* go to Disneyworld
* make a new, close friend
* to make a snow cave
* to watch "Enchanted" on Blu Ray ( *hopeful look* :) )
I think that's all I want to share with those of you that read this. If you want to read whats REALLY on my mind, you will just have to tune into my secret blog, and if you don't know that address, you should bribe me with something to let you into the secret (Jeremy, you really do have wonderful ideas!).
Sometimes things happen to me that make me wonder if I am really living the life I am. Meaning, sometimes I wonder if I am the next contestant on "The Truman Show". Case and point- the strangest, weirdest things always happen to me. Things that would NEVER happen to anyone else. I was driving down the road, on my merry way home, and had some good song blasting through my car ( I wish I could remember what it was), and OF COURSE I get pulled over. I wasn't speeding, I didn't have any drugs, I was pretty sure all my lights were working...so the guy gets out of his car, I roll down my window, and he starts laughing at me! He's laughing at me!! He says he was watching me dance in my car as I was going down the road and thought it was so funny that he wanted to pull me over and tell me that it made him laugh. Then he gave me a gift card to Wendy's and went back on his way. Does that really happen to people?? Well, at least I know that I have mastered the art of driving and dancing at the same time. Can you say...New Reality TV Show?? 101 ways to freak people out!

Another thing, I love Summer Highland Falls! Billy said it best when he sung " For we are always what our situation hands us, it's either sadness or euphoria". That is the song of my life right now. Okay, time to go to work. It feels good to write again, hopefully I have time to do it again one day.

Feeling shallow and sorry

It's 9:30 at night, and I've decided to take another look at my life and what I've done in the last few months. Whew...I didn't think it would be THAT complicated! My life has changed in a weird way. Its the first time, well...since I can remember since the magical year I turned 16 that I have not had a steady boyfriend, and with non of which I really wanted in the first place, and knew that I wouldn't end up with. So here I am, once again (I'm torn into pieces, hahaha...not really), thinking out loud, actually, typing out loud and spilling my guts so that I won't feel as shallow as I do right now.
I know what I want. I know how to get it. I think that I am a lot more conniving and manipulative then I give myself credit, whether I do it consciously or not. I don't want bad things, but when I want something, I know how to get it...visa vi all the boyfriends I collected over these almost 5 years. I base the success of my life on how steady and committed my relationship is. It could be with the worst most abusive man, but as long as I feel steady and committed, I feel good about myself and where I stand in this life. So this is the point it brings me to- I do have a great guy in my life, one that really does appreciate everything that I am, and totally accepts the package that I am. I really don't have access to him, so I'm waiting, however...I feel as if I might have used other boys to distract me as I am waiting for him. I guess putting it that way is really harsh, but the fact that he isn't here right now makes me want to know, for sure, that he might potentially be "the one". I know that there is someone out there for me, and I completely believe that there is a "one" out there for every person that lives right, and the fact that I've found someone so cool and understanding to me...well, naturally, I flock towards him. He knows how to talk to me and melt me, and I've learned how to talk to him, only because It's the way that I like to be talked to. Bits from his last letter include " I love listening to the tape you sent me! You're so sweet, you have the nicest things to say, and I love your voice! You're so cute!" and " I don't understand why I am so drawn to you...Ok, I do know, it's because you are just you! I mean I just don't know how you did it! You've come like a thief in the night and stolen my heart without me even noticing. You are very good!" Who wouldn't like someone who talks to them like that?
I think that being single until I can be with him is a good option. I have such a strong feeling that my next relationship should be in about 10 months. I know what I want, and I know how to get it. I need to just be me. If there is anyone in this world that knows how to be the best me, it's definitely me!

Just take a look through my eyes

What a good day it has been!!

I woke up this morning with the news that I have been accepted into the Disneyland college program, and whats more, I've earned a scholarship for my performances, experiance, yadda yadda and so on and so forth. Woo hoo! 10 points for the ego boost!
Next, one of my bestest friends came back to Old Navy! When I first started working there, he was the one to take me under his wing and teach me the little known facts. I credit it to him for the reason as to why I know so much about ONC's (Old Navy's credit cards), and why I can give them away so well. It's been a hard last week, and he's noticed the change in my personality, and on his own said "Lauren, do you want to dance?" WHA? Wow, it was so cool!!! He knew exactly how to cheer me up without me saying anything! We turned on some classy, fast christmas music, and waltz...ed around the store for about 10 minutes. So much fun! It was so simple, but so amazing and healing for me. On that same note with the ONC's...I gave away 11 and was named champion of the day by the one and only Alex- and THAT truly is an honor!
I choreographed this dance awhile back, but really havent been able to finish it and put all of the cool tricks into it that I want, so I came home and finished it. I feel accomplished and productive!
What a good day for my self esteem! I really haven't had one of those for what feels like months! Something so simple as to having someone dance with me, changed my entire world around. My goal for tomorrow is to pass it along. I want to do something good for a friend, family member, co-worker, or...I'm going to do it for all of them! I want other people to feel as happy as I am right now, and remeber that the bad days will pass. I love life :)

Whoa...I've had waaaaaay too much to drink!!!

I've always wanted to write an angry blog, so watch out baby!
Men are stupid, well....only certain kinds men are stupid. I think there are two kinds of men in this world so let me further elaborate-

There are the men in group one-these are the men that are still living in the late 40's early 50's. They belive that women should shut their mouths and follow them blindly. They want to appear like the good kind of men that really do want to hear about their girlfriends day, or try to be sentimental and sweet, but in reality, they will shut them back down and shove them into a place where they are an inch away from the dirt. They believe women are arm and eye candy, nothing more. All those men should be shot.

Then there are the men in group two- these are the men that let a woman define herself, but still want her to be his. He supports her talents and interests and steps into her world, even though it might be an unknown to him, he is willing to try because he truly cares about her. These are the men that let a woman take her man out and be independant and let her speak her mind without telling her that she is "stupid", "weird", or "just dumb". These men are few and hard to find.

I dont believe in training a man and shaping him into what you want, if it were that easy, I wouldn't be writing this blog. However, there are a few men in my life that are very good to me, but I have been ignorant to them. I have interest in one, but cannot physically get to know him. Not physically like, oh ya know...kissing and all that jazz, but with my decision to move to California (yes, I AM moving, and there is no one in this world that could tell me no), I might have the opportunity to get to know him better. Yeah, I will just come out and say it, he's a missionary, and I'm trying to just think of him and write to him as a friend, but we are so alike, I cant help but already sway. He has recently made it known (and I have equally accepted) that we can only be friends while he is on his mission, but upon returning home, he wants to try to be mine. So...maybe this wasn't such an angry blog after all. There is a slight ray of light shining in a very dark room, but even if he is just a dream that is too good to be true, I KNOW that something is out there in California for me. I knew it the moment I left last summer and came back to Utah. I found something small to distract me, but all along I knew that I was not in the right place. No more stalling! My happiness resides in California, and even though I know I will be happy, I know that it wont be all sunshine and bubbles. Its going to be hard and not without challenge, but It is one that I am willing to jump headfirst into. I can fight my way through this hard world, as long as you give me my California and my Disneyland.
Try to change me, and you will regret it!

Go Lazz!

If you understand the title of this blog, you are my new favorite friend :)

I woke up this morning so thankful for William Willett! If you dont know who that is...google him. Also, I am thankful for late church. Sleep in, lazily stumble around the house for a few hours, then get dressed and go to church, and it helps when I haven't really planned out my primary lesson for the day yet.
This morning was a particularly wonderful morning, as I ventured outside to sit on my swing in my backyard and just let the rain pour down on me. I find that nothing makes me feel better, almost as if the rain is just washing away all my cares and stress from the previous week. My boyfriend told me that he loves the fall because the weather is so crisp and clean. I questioned him, asking how you know or how you can tell when the weather is crisp, but this morning, my question was answered, and I am in love with days like this.
To my surprise and shock, it was announced in my home that we're setting up our Christmas tree today! Usually every year, we give our parents grief and we set up the tree about the second or third week in November, but my father (usually the one who is the most stubborn about it), openly agreed. To be quite frank, we have so many Christmas decorations that it usually takes us until the week before Christmas to fully set up. We set up the tree in our family room and it sits there undecorated for a few weeks because we are just too lazy, or...maybe its because we are never all home at the same time, but I digress...
I miss seeing the Mormon Tabernacle Choir perform. My family used to go once every month when we were all younger and lived together, but as members have moved out, Sunday callings have been assigned, ect., we dont go as often as we would like. I am so stoked to go see them in concert this year around Christmastime! Like, I cant even begin to verbalize my excitement. Every year, the choir does a Christmas concert with some amazing person and past concerts I've attended have included Sissel, Angela Lansbury, Gladys Knight, The King Singers, Audra McDonald, Rene Flemming, Walter Cronkite, and some others that I just cant remember. Still though, its always a spiritual uplifting thing to do around Christmas that brings my family, and whoever comes with us, a little closer.
Time for church! We are practicing the Primary Program today...oh dear...give me strength!

My Grownup Christmas List

I know...you don't have to tell me. I already have been told that it's not going to be Christmas for at least another month, but I'm starting my list early. I was listening to Amy Grants version of "Grownup Christmas List", and decided to make one of my own, so here's what I want-

*Someone to waltz with me
*A Dr. Pepper
*A really good Christmas CD mix
*A billion ONC's
*To master my dance to "Appologize" and "Faint"
*To get all my Primary lessons done a whole year in advance
*To go to Disneyland and win something from the year of a million dreams
*A good, long sleep
*Enough time to sit through one really good Disney movie
*To audition and be cast in a really good show
*One day with no stress or "sick" people calling in at work
*To have enough time to teach another dance class in Orem
*A clean room
I think thats a good list. Yeah, thats good.